Allen in Wonderland
by Darmed
Summary: After following a strange, black rabbit and falling through a rabbit hole, Allen seems to have landed in a peculiar alternate universe. The question was, though, not where this place was, but how he was going to get out of it.
1. The Black Rabbit

_Ch_**a**_p_**te_r_ O**_ne_**.**

**T**_**h**e_ B**_la_c**_k_** R_a_**b_b**i**_**t.**

**O**kay.. what just happened?

Just a moment ago, he had been in his backyard, studying, before walking off to pick some flowers for his mother and planning to walk back to his house for tea, followed by his treasured cat, Timcanpy, and bursting into spontaneous singing.

Just a moment ago, he had been _fine._

_Now_, he saw the sad excuse for _flowers_ fall down in an exceedingly slow pace, yet even managed to fall _faster_ than him. Which annoyed him, by the way.

He once thought he would've _at least_ weighed more than the _bloody daisies_ he planned to put on the coffee table.

But _why_ did he _have _to follow the rabbit? Sure, it came rather unexpectedly, and _sure_, it wore a black dress, had dark (almost invisible) circles underneith its eyes and carried a pocket watch. A speaking rabbit, by the way. A black one. And however strange that might sound, it truly shrieked and hurried off.

Damn him and his natural curiosity. Without it, he wouldn't have been in this mess. But it seemed so important; the goal of the rabbit, that was. Yelling "I'm late" continuously, and ending their conversation with a rather rude "No time to say goodbye. Hello!" before disappearing into a rabbit hole. A vertical one.

Allen had wondered himself why a rabbit would have some fancy party in such a peculiar place, and so he followed it, not even being invited for whatever special occasion the rabbit was late for.

Which is how he ended in this situation. He fell down some really deep hole, where there seemed to be a lack of gravity.

Looking around, he saw a light, which he switched on. Sure, he was still falling, for some reason, but at least this cleared up his surroundings a little.

He wished he hadn't.

He also wished there would be someone to explain _why_, for the love of God, he was wearing a blue dress. And a white apron that irritably kept floating upwards, towards his face.

He tried looking around the dress, which at some point had decided to act like a parachute, but failed. He could, though, glance at the strange household objects that seemed to float in mid-air as he fell downward. Besides the lamp and the small table it stood on, he was greeted by the ugliest chair and wall ornaments he had gladly never seen before.

He floated past a mirror that showed him floating upwards (something he wished would be truly happening) and grabbed a book from, again, the most ugly bookcase he had ever seen. He had never been one for antiques. The bookcase was followed by a few standing clocks, hitting three with a horrible sound.

He saw the walls narrow in front of him, eyes widening in terror as gravity suddenly decided to work again, only to stop once they widened again.

Not speaking to anyone in particular, and turning around in mid-air so that his feet pointed upward, though, for some reason, his skirt didn't stop bulging, he began to think up loud. What if he would fall right through the center of the earth, and come out at the other side, where people walked upside down?

He knew it was a stupid thought, but this wasn't exactly a situation where he was able to judge that.

Okay, it was silly. No-one would-

His feet hooked onto something, stopping him from banging his head on the tiled floor. Right in front of him, making him almost want to start stuttering at the idiocy of it all, was the black rabbit. Walking upside down. Or maybe it was just..

Sighing at his stupidity, he unhooked his feet and stood up straight, immediately starting to observe his environment, which seemed like a hallway. A rather strange one. The ceiling was round and seemed to curve in some places, just like the walls, that bent in strange ways. Following the path, he had to take several sharp curves so he would not his his head on any of the strange chairs and tables that seemed to be attached to the walls, not even making contact with the floor tiles.

He had to find that rabbit and ask what the _bloody hell_ this place was.


	2. The Bespectacled Door

_Ch_**a**_p_**te_r_ T**_wo_**.**

**T_h_**_e_ _Be_**s_p_**e_c_ta_**c**le**d**_ D**o**_o_r**.**

**"O**h, Mister Rabbit?"

"Oh my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting!"

Allen felt like a fool, running behind a fully clothed rabbit while in a dress. Allen had noted later on that he was wearing black heels. _Shiny_ black heels. Which irked him in more ways the normal human mind was unable to comprehend. _Yes it did_.

But what irked him even more was that the rabbit, even though it (it appeared as a she) wore a frilly black dress, managed to walk faster than him. Sure, he wore heels, but that shouldn't mean he couldn't keep up with something half his size.

He almost screamed out in frustration when the panicked animal disappeared through a door, slamming it closed once he arrived. Sighing, he pulled open the first door, only to find another. Maybe he should'veknown, seeing these people (whom he hoped lived in this strange world; he didn't exactly feel like interacting with more animals) also had the habit of sticking their furniture into walls. Instead of horribly failing in calming his temper, he pulled open a few more doors, which seemed to get smaller with every pull, until he revealed one, tiny golden door. He quickly squatted to his knees, squishing himself through the tiny opening.

The next room was, as Allen saw when he had finally crawled to his feet, surprisingly empty. Too empty.

The only thing that could have been counted as furniture was a small, wine red curtain on the other side of the unnecessarily large room.

Since the walls sported the same ugly, squared print as the floor, the curtain was the only was by which Allen could see where the horizontal floor ended and the vertical wall began; even then, he wasn't sure if his intuïtion could be trusted upon in the universe which he had recently dubbed 'Miseryville'.

That would look great on a postcard. '_Greetings from Miseryville!_'

It was an unexpectedly short walk to the curtain. In fact, he had only taken a few steps before the wall opposite of him had simply pulled itself towards him. This didn't surprise him. At all.

He simply looked back to the darkness that was previously the other side of the room, turned back, ducked, tucked on the side of the tiny curtain and wasn't surprised to see a rabbit-sized door. What did surprise him, however, was that it _snored_. Rather loudly.

Not thinking about the consequences, nor seeing any rudeness in disturbing a sleeping _door, _Allen grabbed the doorknob and twisted, emitting a loud "ow!" from the object that was supposed to be inanimate.

It yawned, stretching the keyhole as far as it could so Allen could easily look through it, seeing the rabbit on the other side. He realised his rudeness as the doorknob closed what seemed to be acting as his mouth and looked at him with small eyes. "I beg your pardon," he hastily added. "Quite alright," it answered.

It looked eerily human in many ways, from the doorknob that seemed like an enormous nose, to the small pair of glasses that perked on top of it.

"I'm looking for a black rabbit, so if you don't mind.."

The door seemed to think, and then its eyes widened in realization as it opened its keyhole again widely, revealing an endlessly running rabbit.

Allen pointed, letting out a small sound. "There he is! I simply must get through."

The doorknob looked at her and closed its eyes. "Sorry. You're much too big. Simply impassable."

"You mean impossible," Allen corrected.

"No, impassable. Nothing's impossible."

Allen glared, insulted, as the door laughed. It quickly stopped and apologised. "Sorry, but you're scientifically not able to fit through. Why don't you try the bottle on the table."

"Table? What ta-"

No, seriously. He should stop being so surprised by ugly, antique objects appearing out of thin air. "Read the directions, and directly you'll be directed in any direction." The door laughed again, finding his own joke indescribably funny.

'Drink me', the label on the bottle read. Maybe Allen should've thought about this simple order a little bit more, but he figured the strange creatures of Miseryville wouldn't try to poison him. He did, however, not really like the way the door was eyeing him, eagerly waiting for him to take a sip of the suspicious liquid.

He needed good advice, but he figured there wouldn't be anyone to give that to him. He simply sighed and took a small sip, shrieking as he immediately shrunk to the size of a, ironically enough, rabbit. "Goodness!"

He turned around when he heard the door laugh again, planning to kick his ugly, shiny doorknob, but noticed he wasn't exactly able to do that being not even thirty centimeters tall.

"Now you can let me through, right? I'm just the right size!" He tried not to act as irritated as he was, but failed a bit.

The door smirked evilly and laughed again. "It's no use!" He glanced at his expression of complete horror. "I'm locked!"

If murder was legal in this disturbing part of the universe, Allen already knew who would be number one on his 'to-be-assassinated' list.

* * *

_I need your opinion. =D Should I go according to the book, by Lewis Caroll, or by the movie, by Disney? So far, I've been sticking with Disney, but I also like Caroll's characters a lot..  
~Mary-Jane_


	3. High Water and a Bottle

_Ch**a**p**te****r**** T**hr**e**_**e.**

_**H**__i_g**_h_** **_W_a**_t_**e_r_** a_n__**d **_**a b**_ot_**tl_e_****.**

The door chuckled. "What? I didn't tell you? Don't tell me you left the key up there."

Allen stopped sharpening his knives for a moment to glance up (a whole way) at the tabletop, only to see a golden key his size appear at the bottom, stuck like chewing gum.

Usually, Allen would have laughed at this situa-

No. Actually, he wouldn't have.

He figured his only option was to try and climb the object that was at that moment his most hated piece of furniture. His only problem was that he was, you know, _small_ and the table was, you know, _big._

The door smirked. "Why don't you try the box?"

This was seriously getting old. A small, antique box appeared between Allen's stocking-clad legs and he looked at it indifferently. If whatever was in that horrific box was bite-size and sweet, he would forgive the door for its horrible door-puns, irritating and, above all, girly giggling and for making his situation worse than it already was.

Allen squealed softly when the lid flapped up and he laid his eyes upon the first edible object since breakfast, which he guessed was five hours earlier. In the box were four soft pieces of candy, each in a different shape, though all read he same, forcing 'Eat Me'-message.

He took a small bite, knowing anything that had to do with food could be completely trusted. After all, food had never betrayed him before.

Before even able to swallow the minuscule bit of coconut-flavoured candy, he felt himself shoot up in the air, hit feet growing longer with shocks, just as the rest of his body. He smirked satisfiedly when his shoe his the door, drawing a muffled exclamation of pain from it, before panicking. How could he ever go through _any_ door when he was this size?

"Hmph-mmhmh-phmmhmm."

"Excuse me, what did you say?" Allen moved his foot so that it no longer squished the door's facade.

"I said: a little of that went a_ long_ way!" Allen decided to move his foot back to its former place, since it was more comfortable there.

"Well, I don't see what's so funny!" Allen started, before sobbing uncontrollably, huge tears falling from his eyes. Sure, he had more than once wished he was a bit taller, but that was only a bit, not growing by ten yards and permanently staying that way!

The door tried to stop him from crying, but all that came out were the same muffled sounds as before, only making Allen sob harder. Huge puddles started to form underneath him, but he didn't notice. It was all so helpless; he couldn't help crying.

Now there were no longer muffled sounds. Just desperate gurgles as the door was completely flooded in the miniature ocean Allen's tears had created, vicious waved splashing against the walls. A few more desperate gurgles made him open his eyes, only to see a small, floating bottle of liquid floating past him. Sniffing, he grabbed it, realising this was his last chance, even if it would possibly cause him to drown.

He quickly brought it to his lips, chucking down what was left of the substance, and shrunk immediately. Falling down, he looked at his odds. He might be able to hold his breath under water for less than a minute or so, but no longer than that. The salt water would probably sting if he opened his eyes, so it was the best to just keep them closed.

Inhaling a deep breath of air, he closed his eyes and waited for the water to suck him down. Only, it never came. With a loud thud, he felt himself land on a hard surface. Opening his eyes, he realised he was or ridiculously _lucky_, or none of this was actually real, which explained all the ridiculousness perfectly. He had fallen and landed right in the bottle of now finished beverage and was now floating towards the door, where all the water seemed to head towards.

As the door spluttered and desperately tried to speak, probably to make a ridiculously bad pun, Allen sat down on the bottom of the bottle. The door opened his mouth wide, and Allen's eyes widened in shock of the prospect of having to go through a mouth of sorts, not even wanting to think of where he was going to end up next.

"Oh dear.." he sighed. "I do wish I hadn't cried so much.."


	4. Tides and a Panda

_**Ch**ap**ter **f**ou**r**.**_

**T**_**i**__d_e_**s **_**a**_n_**d **_**a**__** p**__a__**n**_**da.**

When Allen's bottle floated on, in and out of a darkness that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, he was greeted with what seemed to be an endless ocean. And with the most horrific singing he had ever heard.

"Oh, the sailor's life is the life for me, how I love to sail on the bounding sea, and I never never ever do a thing about the weather for the weather never ever does a thing for me.."

"Shut _up_!"

Allen tried to cover his ears and was silently hoping his eardrums would just shatter from the sound that gave him a headache after the first syllable, but it was futile. The worst part was that he could not stop the bottle from drifting closer to the source of the apparent noise.

He drifted on for a while, still clutching his ears and wincing, eventually seeing a rather strangely-shaped shadow through the thick, foreboding mist. He gasped when he got close enough to see through it. On a stick, miraculously still standing up proudly and still drifting in the dark sea of tears, sat a panda. Allen first thought he would never find anything to regularly communicate with. Meaning a human. But this panda had the same facial features as... No, that was not possible. But he was sure he had seen those eyebrows before... It wore the same cranky frown, even as it rasped the ugly words which could hardly be called lyrics, but... it was so familiar, he just couldn't think of anyone the panda bore a resemblance to.

"Ahoy! And other nautical expressions! Land ho, by Jove!"

"Where to, Panda?"

Yes. Yes, that was definitely a panda. On a stick. No being delusional this time.

"Three points to starboard!"

Allen did not speak that language. That had to mean that this was a foreign dodo with a habit of singing English songs. He rose when a slosh of water hit the top of his head through a particularly furious wave. He'd better get out of this bottle quick.

"Mister Dodo!"

Perhaps Allen's soft, sweet, loving voice was not loud enough to be noticeable. It could also be that the dodo blatantly ignored him for reasons yet unknown. But who could ever ignore a sweet boy like Allen Walker?

"Excuse me? Yoohoo!"

Yes, Allen was now starting to think that these strange creatures were definitely ignoring him and his kind-hearted, polite pleas. If the looks switching towards him and then quickly returning to the sloshing ocean meant anything, that is. Allen huffed indignantly and crossed his arms, still standing up to protect himself against the water now knee-high in the bottle, drifting across the waves until the bottle finally hit land and fell over, water spilling out and Allen tumbling over the sand in a tangled heap.

It looked like a small island; in the middle a huge rock where the panda had made a small fire on and was now warming his rather extensive behind by holding it above the angry-looking flames. Oh how Allen pitied those flames - nobody would like to have someone else's buttocks shoved in their face.

Allen went to sit up, when his head was suddenly trampled upon and his head was forced back into the sand at alarming speed, resulting in him opening his mouth in shock and therefore accidentally finding out what sand tastes like even before he had hit forty. He tilted it up and spit out an amount of sand that a preschool-boy could have made an entire sand-villa of, only to have another creature stand on the back of his head, almost giving him a whiplash as his neck shot down again under the weight and gasping in shock when a large wave hit the island, just making it to the top of the rock the panda had resided upon, making him resort to having to pick up his small campfire to protect it against the water, managing to not even burn his hands. That's when the panda finally noticed someone else who did not look like his jolly bird-friends had joined the caucus-race.

"I say! You'll never get dry that way!"

Well, _duh._ Running in the middle of the ocean didn't seem to be the correct activity to you when one wanted to get dry. Allen had always thought pandas were wise creatures, but this situation put a rather huge dent in that believe. Allen dared ask anyway.

"Get dry?" Wow, Allen. What an intelligent remark indeed.

"You have to run with the others! That is always the first rule of a caucus race!"

"But how ca-"

Allen was rudely interrupted when another wave hit him in the back of his legs and he fell back into the sand once again, seaweed sticking in his hair. He coughed to rid his lungs of whatever water had filled them. This probably had as much use as running along, but Allen would rather do that than having his lungs pumped full with water and sand again. Sighing, he tried to stand up before another bird could hit his behind, and started walking along, getting several nudges for running too slowly and almost tripping over his own high heels several times.

"That's better! You'll be dry in no-time!"

While Allen still respected the panda for his utterly strange logic, this was a little too hard to believe.

"No-one can ever get dry this way!"

The dodo looked at her as if she had just accused a priest of worshipping the devil. Allen could almost hear him call "Blasphemy!"

"Nonsense!" he yelled. "I am as dry as a bone already!" For emphasis, he turned his obese bum towards the fire again and patted it with his hands.

Allen didn't think it would be very sensible to go against one of such wise logic. Instead, he continued to try to keep up with the circle, only to be washed away by another wave of salty water and he found himself sitting on the ridiculously tall nose of another strange, tropical bird-species. Then, he saw what had brought him into this mess in the first place once again: the black rabbit. She washed upon shore in a dishevelled heap, trying rid her umbrella of unwanted water and looked at her watch. "Oh! My goodness, I'm late!"

Allen tried to get off the bird's pointy nose. "No! Don't leave yet! I'll be right there!"

The rabbit didn't listen and quickly turned around the umbrella, showering herself in the tears Allen had cried, smudging her think layer of make-up. "I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!"

"Oh! Wait! Please, wait!" Allen struggled and finally managed to fall off the beast's voluminous beak, quickly trying to chase after the black rabbit, who had just run off into a dark, foreboding forest, the only thing still in sight being black frills of her lace dress.


	5. The Monster and the Chimney Sweep

_Ch__**a**__p__**te**__**r**__** F**__i__v__**e**__**.**_

_**Th**__e_ M_**o**_**n**_s_**te**_**r**_ A_n__**d**_** T**_h__**e**__** C**__h__**im**__**n**__**e**__y _**S**_**w**__e__**ep**_.

It was a long walk, with the light completely disappearing underneath the thick branches of the tall trees, rendering him incapable of seeing the black rabbit, nor any other obstacle he might just accidentally bump into.

It would have been less eerie if Allen would have known this world and the creatures that inhabited it thoroughly, because Lord knew what might be hiding in these Godforsaken places.

He considered returning to the ocean, but then thought about the panda's flamboyant tush and shuddered. Besides, if he were to be able to face the panda after that rather... _revealing_ experience, how was he ever to dare that dangerous water without seeming suicidal and drowning?

Allen did not turn around, for he would not risk his own life for the sake of some form of light.

He kept on walking, with his arms stretched in case there might be some sort of taller object intent of blocking his path.

He shuddered when something furry hit the back of his leg.

Maybe he wouldn't make it out alive after all.

Maybe the soft, flurry, cutesy feeling circling around his ankle was all deception, and the big ball of fluff against his leg was actually one of Satan's own descendants, spit out by the tropical fires of Hell's deepest pits, coming to seek revenge for whatever mankind had dumped on his doorstep!

Nah.

Shrugging, he kicked the annoying little fluffball in front of him, satisfied when he heard a high-pitched, pained whine and a soft, dull fall about forty seconds later. That was the sweet sound of victory against an unfortunate fellow living creature.

Wait. What was that?

Was that the light at the figurative end of the tunnel? It sure looked like light. It was all bright and such.

Allen's face visibly brightened, the few seconds of sadism and other synonyms for pure glee over someone else's pain forgotten, and raised his feminine hands to hip level.

This situation called for some serious skipping time.

Though the tunnel was slightly longer than he had accounted for. And a whole lot more scary, which drastically drained the skipping mood. Also, the constant staring at him from somewhere in those shadows in the left upper corner made him feel strangely like he was being watched. Which all put a big quark on his filled-to-the-rim bottle of joy.

Which made him stop the skipping.

All hope was, once again, lost.

Well, not entirely. It was all concentrated into a ridiculously small light source, taunting him as it seemed to only drift away further.

Allen waved politely. _Bye-bye, only source of hope. I hope you'll fare well._

Sighing, Allen stepped on, gasping as the trees suddenly seemed to speed backwards. Either that, or Allen suddenly got ridiculously tall legs.

The latter wouldn't have surprised him. At _all. _But he was suddenly standing in front of _the light_, and it didn't seem like he grew any taller, since he now _finally _knew what_ that_ felt like.

Instead of squealing from utter glee because of finally reaching the goal he had been struggling so hard for, like any other person would do, he started thinking about what just had happened in the two seconds he lifted his foot and put it down again for half an hour.

--+

"M-m-m-m-m-m-my, Mary-Ann! W-w-w-w-what are _you _d-d-d-d-doing in here?"

Allen was confused. Just when he was done contemplating the situation and came to the conclusion that he had the miraculous ability to travel with the speed of light like probably everyone could – he felt so stupid for not even considering that option first – and walked through the green bow, he almost collided with the black rabbit, who immediately panicked and waggled her finger at him, starting to berate him for laziness he wasn't even aware of. The rabbit must have thought of him as her maid!

"Y-y-y-y-y-y-you must r-r-run home as soon as you can, and f-f-f-fetch me m-my fan and gloves!"

Allen quickly scurried away, for the rabbit looked rather panicked and he did not want to distress it any more. He did think the rabbit would get quite a shock when finding out who he really was. This pleased him.

He tried to run down a rather steep hill, but forgot he was still wearing heels and toppled over, rolling down the hill yet still managing to not dirty the outfit he had soon dubbed 'the black spot on his perfectly white life'. With a wince, he felt his head collide with something hard, only looking up to find it was a mailbox sporting the letters M.L.

Cursing the damned inanimate object, he sat up and rubbed the painful spot in the back of his head. Well, he was not entirely sure, but he guessed this to be the black rabbit's house, for it had a front door just the right size.

He stormed in without knocking and started feverishly looking for anything looking like what the rabbit had asked him to get.

You see, Allen was not one who learned from his mistakes. That is why, when he arrived on the second floor after not finding anything on the first, and he saw a small box similar to one he was slightly more familiar with than he actually wanted, he simply had to check if it contained any candy of sorts. Of course, this box, just as the previous one, was filled to the rim with small, bite-size candy carrying the words 'eat me' proudly.

Allen thought it as impolite to not take that invitation, and happily took a small, white confectionery, immediately stuffing it in his mouth without thinking.

Oh. Right. He had told himself to never trust candy ever again since he had become fifteen feet the last time he had taken a bite out of the sweet, sugary treat. But candy had never betrayed him before! Why should it stab his back twice in only one day? What had he ever done to earn something like this?

Then, something struck Allen's mind.

_Curiosity killed the cat. _

That explained why he was now once again of inhuman height, bending his neck so that it would not snap against the small house's ceiling and his right arm in the awkward position of hanging out of the window, while the other was curled behind his head and he had to stick his foot up the chimney as a last resort.

How was he ever to get out of this rather uncomfortable situation?

"M-M-M-M-Mary Ann? H-h-have you f-found them y-y-yet?"

Great. Just what he needed. A one foot tall rabbit who had to be either really oblivious or just plain right _stupid_ to not notice the huge arm sticking out of her windowsill. He heard the tapping of the rabbit's feet on the stairs, and almost giggled at its enormous failure at opening the door – this, because Allen's enormous elbow was blocking the entrance. He heard the rabbit mutter it would try to go in through the window. If Allen would have been able to, he would have smacked his forehead in a way even Homer Simpson would have been jealous of. He tried to move the unfortunate hand still sticking out of the window, and tried to blindly grab the rabbit – who must have been both oblivious and stupid, because apparently she had not noticed the hand before it moved – but failed. He _did, _however, hear a shriek and the quick tapping of feet.

"N-n-now, tell me, please, Daisya, what is that in the window?"

"Well, that is an arm, your honour!"

Another sudden urge to smack his forehead.

Allen missed home, where he was never squished into a house originally built for a one foot rabbit – where he was certainly never forced to listen to ridiculous discussions between a rabbit and, as was mentioned in the heated conversation, a chimney sweep of unknown species.

Home, where nobody found it necessary to almost drown him, feed him poisonous candy or squash him into tiny spaces!

Oh, how he wished he had contained his curiosity and had not slid down that Godforsaken rabbit hole...

* * *

_This chapter is dedicated to my awesome friend Mick, for she is the whipped cream on my apple pie, the rainbow laces in my awesome sneakers, the lemon in my lemonade and more of those lame comparisons._


	6. The unknown creature called Daisya

_Ch__**a**__p__**ter S**__ix__**.**_

_**Da**__i_s_**y**_**a T**_h__**e C**__h__**imne**__y _**S**_**w**__e__**ep**_.

Allen was not amused.

He had been stuck for hours, and for hours, the rabbit had been fruitlessly trying to remove the unidentified gigantic object that was Allen out of his living quarters.

That, however, was not what agitated Allen the most.

What really annoyed him were the blatant insults the rabbit kept spouting at him. In the past few hours, he had been called over three-hundred different names, having to do with how much of a monster he was, most of them being in reference to his so-dubbed _ugly face_.

Allen grunted and successfully blew an amount of birds from their respective homes in nearby trees by the amount of sound waves erupting from his vocal chords.

If only he had known how to get out of here himself – then he wouldn't have to rely on the orders the mentally retarded rabbit gave to the poor, submissive chimney sweep.

So far, the chimney sweep of unknown species – who, he had found out, listened to the name Daisya – had been hit, blown away, blown up, had fallen off several levels of the unstable roof, had been bombarded with several objects and had been mentally damaged, but was still listening to everything the rabbit ordered it.

Allen could, however, only muster a bit of sympathy for the animal. In the end, because of the thing's antics, his shoes had become scorched and his dress had had its fair share of beatings.

The funny thing was that they seemed to keep on trying to use the chimney as entrance without thinking that it, oh, after twelve failures, might not be the correct way to go.

Allen sighed as he heard the rabbit's new proposal.

"One o-o-of us o-o-ought to go through the chimney! A-a-a-and I shan't!"

Allen reckoned there were only two people there, so he wondered how it always took the both of them such a long time to figure out who – if one of them was not willing to break their necks – would have to volunteer.

"Well, I know I won't either!"

Perhaps Allen had made a miscalculation, for he now heard a different voice – one he had already had the _joyous _pleasure of hearing once before. If he could have actually moved, his palm would have now dragged down his face.

"Daisya's to go down!"

Allen learned that the rabbit was not at fault for torturing the poor animal. He also learned that the panda liked to sacrifice other people for his sake.

A high-pitched squeak sounded – Allen reckoned Daisya had finally decided to let his displeasure be known to the masses by deafening half of this world's population – and Allen squeezed his eyes shut. If poor Daisya really was to come down the chimney…

No. He would not let that happen! Not that he didn't pity the poor creature, but he figured he'd better tell it when freed from this mess.

Maybe he could move his foot just about enough… No, that would be mean. But so far, it was his only option…

As soon as he heard the light scratching of paws on the chimney, he pulled his foot back, counted to three and kicked with all his might.

He barely heard a shriek he imagined only dogs could hear, and heeded the dodo speak fondly of his soccer skills.

"That poor Daisya…" he muttered, imagining the poor creature flying above all the places he had been, making up a few weird-looking places along the way.

Figuring out that kicking the creature didn't do anything to help him out of his cramped position, made his stomach ache with guilt, but had also, he realized, brought him quite a huge deal of trouble, since he figured the other creatures wouldn't be pleased to see their comrade be torpedoed into figurative outer space, and wouldn't stand and watch while he occupied the rabbit's home. However…

"Fire in the house!"

…He didn't expect them to sacrifice the rabbit's only home to supposedly save it.

"W-w-w-w-what?!"

Of course the rabbit would disagree.

"A demon must be exorcised!"

Allen didn't know if that insult was directly aimed at him, or if that was some strange, foreign manner of speech.

"Well, y-y-yes, b-b-b-but…"

"Kill it with fire!"

This sentence is what made Allen realize he was in so much trouble that this might actually be impossible to fix. Meaning, in a few words, he'd die.

The dodo didn't listen to anything the rabbit said as he started slowly walking back and forth with huge, unnecessary blocks of wood, after a while starting to complain about his back.

The rabbit followed his every step and shrieked panicked demands, trying to stop the dodo from attempting to enlarge the eventual fire with even more futile wood.

Allen whimpered.

How stupid can you be to fall for the same trick twice?

From now on, candy was his sworn enemy.

Did being enemies mean he couldn't eat it anymore?

He hoped it didn't.

"P-p-p-please, m-m-mister-"

"Just Panda, if you please. Now, where was I?"

He took a pipe from out his backpocket and stuffed it in his mouth. "Here, this is what we're going to do."

He muffled the end of that rather foreboding sentence by switching the position of the antique pipe in his mouth and reaching to get a match from the apparent bottomless backpocket to light it.

He switched the device back to the corner of his lips so it didn't block his speech. "See, the key is to make it all look like an accident and still manage to make the books."

At this, the rabbit's eyes switched from her doomed residence to the now lit match as the panda raised it to eye level and inspected it as he kept on dawdling about secret plots to let nobody find out he purposely made a cutesy, hopeless rabbit homeless and let them focus more on how he heroically slew a monstrous demon.

The rabbit started feverishly hyperventilating and flailing her tiny front paws as the panda tauntingly lit his pipe and shook the match, only to smile and 'accidentally' let go of the small object.

The rabbit jumped in a futile attempt to save her house, but fell on her knees in front of the pile of wood, desperately trying to kill the still tiny flame by foolishly blowing on it.

"What a marvelous idea! The wood _did _seem a bit wet. Let's blow it dry _together_!"

The panda also fell to his knees and blew until the remaining wood also caught on fire, together with the bottom half of the kitchen wall.

The creature cried in agony as she saw her house slowly be devoured by the flames.

Allen whimpered as he started to get a little bit anxious by the sudden heat surrounding him. Why, oh why, did he have to follow that rabbit in the first place?!

He had been so stupid. But who would have thought he would have ended in a place like this? In a house about to collapse from the surrounding flames, that being the cause of the town's retard's ridiculous actions!

"I wish I was home!" he shouted, knowing it would only further confirm how the infantile animals outside this very doorstep thought he was monstrous.

He shrieked.

Apparently, sudden outbursts of despair had a side-effect. Allen had now shrunk two feet.

He smiled. If he were to die, at least it were in his normal size.

"I don't want to die in this hole! I want to go back! I don't want to be stuck here with a bunch of retarded animals without the mental capability to think rationally!"

That last statement seemed to bring him back to normal. Standing on the bedroom floor, he considered his options.

Those were easily stated.

Run.

As soon as Allen's mind conjured those words and his legs seemed to return to their normal, stable state, he ran for it; down the stairs, into the kitchen, living room, out the door, past a few very astonished looks, on into what seemed like exactly the same forest as he had come from, yet certainly into a different direction.

--+

_I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG D:_

_BUT IT'S ALL GOOD_

_SINCE I HAVE COME TO WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEWYEAR_

_AND, OF COURSE, HAVE SOME SORT OF CONTEST_

_B) FOR DETAILS, CHECK MY PROFILE._


End file.
